Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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