omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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