you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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