my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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