Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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