we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize