From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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