Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize