I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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