no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize