Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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