Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize