Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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