I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize