I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize