you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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should my penis look like a turkey
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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