If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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