What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize