It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize