I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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