I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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