And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize