I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize