Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize