there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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