Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
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he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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