I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize