it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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