Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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