The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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