Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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