He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize