anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize