When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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