we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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