wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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