wakey wakey hands off snakey
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How does it feel to date your dad?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize