There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize