i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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