All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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