dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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