I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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