Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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