Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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