I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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