I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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