we're chasing vodka with high fives
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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