Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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