We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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