What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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